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Sunday, June 20, 2010

The future is so bright- IT SCARES ME

I haven't blogged in a while. I haven't had much to say. I haven't felt myself at all because my body hasn't allowed me to do anything I have wanted to do. I have always been a doer. Physically I don't know of anything I couldn't do or try and not kick ass at. Seriously. I have been on a NATIONAL Television show, I play roller derby. I mean, come on now.

Since April I haven't been able to do much other than sit on the sidelines and watch. Everything I have done since April really is just watching everyone else's life unfold, while my life just hangs in abeyance. I feel like a spectator in this whole life thing and I have no choice in the outcome.

I have managed some derby teams on our league and I feel that I am getting really good at it, but ultimately that isn't what I want to be doing. While I am pleased that people like my style of managing and that people still want me to manage, I just want to play, pass my dang level ones and skate like everyone else.

This could all change, possibly, on Thursday! I see Dr. Kleeman as a consult for surgery. I don't know if I will have surgery, but after Thursday I may! This scares me to death...

So many people have asked me this past week if I will ever be able to skate again and I, frankly, don't even know. That scares the everlovin' beejesus out of me. If I can't do sports, I don't know what I will do...