Disappointment

I am going to explain this in an analogy form the best that I can -

You know if you have a friend that has the exact same purse that you used to have and lost - and then you see that friend out of the blue with that purse and you didn't expect it - and then you wonder where she got it, or where was she coming from, what was she doing - and then your brain goes haywire about all the possibilities and then you have to yell at yourself to STOP!!!!

Basically that is why I am disappointed in myself today.

I HATE Lamp

So, I TOTALLY should be working right now but I have to just say that I am somewhat upset w/ my living room lamp. This lamp is famous - as it is on my face book page in the background of the pic I took of Kid Rock on the TV for the grammy's.

None the less, this is the 2nd lamp I have gone thru because the first one just wouldn't stand on the base correctly. Now, I actually am incapable of turning it on. I actually HURT my fingers this morning trying to do so.

What frosts my fanny, what burns my apple is that now I have to resort to college kid behavior and turn the lamp on and off not by its own switch (because obviously it is mad at me for something) and use the on/off switch for my surge protector.

THAT'S IT LAMP - YOU, ME FLAG POLE 3pm... YOU ARE GOING DOWN!

And the Oscar goes to....

I love the Oscars like it is my job... It is my favorite award show because it simply puts all my favorite people in the same room through whom I live vicariously.

My first question to the Attorney on site of the filming of the MOLE was when do I get my membership card for being a member of the ACADEMY (or the Screen Actors Guild) so I could vote for the Oscars. I was sadly disheartened when he LAUGHED (threw his head back and laughed to heavens) to my question. Reality shows do not afford that kind of benefit to their casts (And thank goodness because Flava of Love, I love New York and Rock of Love would be the cast of shady characters picking best film of the year. Scary.)

I like how they changed the presentation of the big awards this year to have former winners speak about each nominee... It makes me misty... I cried for Penelope Cruz and stood up and applauded saying, "VIVA ESPANA!"

However, the Heath Ledger Oscar presentation got me good; floored me like a punch to the gut. A blubbering purple mess on the floor - which I haven't been since the FINALE of 90210! (And I know I will be that way for the in Memoriam too).

Good bless you OSCARS for being the highlight of my year. Maybe one year you will be sitting at home watching me THANKING THE ACADEMY... Wouldn't that be nice? I already know how my speech would start, "Most people thank God first - and that's what I am going to do first - I would like to thank MICHAEL J. FOX....."

Continuation to the addendum of E-harmony

OMFG - I just got off the phone with Pierre and Shane at TRUE.COM. I checked my bank account moments ago and saw a charge for $3.00 and $6.98 for true. UM EXCUSE ME? So, I called. On the day I saw that they charged me $50 I sent an email through their customer service stating I never once agreed to pay $50.... So, when I called and spoke to Pierre - he could tell me dates and times when they sent me an email but had NO recollection of me contacting them. So, I asked for a manager - so in total they charged me $59.97 - THEY WERE SO KIND TO REFUND ME $47.99.

Well, as I have learned here at my place of employment when someone doesn't like the service they receive THEY TELL 15 PEOPLE.

BOYCOTT TRUE.COM - THEY SUCK!

Interesting addendum to E-Harmony

I guess this past weekend was free for singles on all dating sites. So, I had made a profile for True.com but never used it. I don't know how it happened at all, but my credit card was charged for $50 to true.com... I may have put my info in previously and then decided I wasn't going to pay for it - but I DEFINITELY remember not clicking OKAY TO CHARGE ME MONEY!

Eharmony update

All of you who mentioned e-harmony to me, I heeded your advised and just checked it out... I am sorry - for the equivalent of $19.99/month for 1 year is $256. To sign up for just 1 month - $60!

That is absurd!

Plenty of Fish.... MY ASS

A friend of mine from high school, who found me on facebook, have been chatting about dating and meeting people. She advised me of a site called PLENTYOFFISH.COM. So, I posted a profile and started emailing (FOR FREE) to guys who were attractive or interesting. What I thought was interesting was there were a lot of model-esque guys on there, they must be trolling for hook ups. Nice. That should have been strike 1.

So, I see a guy who has his home town of Northfield, NH. Nice! I grew up in that area and my parents currently live in Northfield. Maybe he is a good ole boy, who knows. I send him an email and he responds with a four word answer. I try to create some banter, call him on his four word answers. NEXT he asks me if I like to give head. Um, excuse me? Okay - BLOCK PERSON!!!

I don't understand online dating, lord knows I have had quite a few first dates from online dating and a few short lived relationships, but where do guys get off thinking they can troll these sites and treat women like whores? How about don't put I AM LOOKING FOR A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP and really only want a BJ.

Two people with in the last 24 hours have told me to try E harmony. While I think this is a great idea, something about having to pay to meet people makes me feel like a prostitute. Is this wrong? Is this old fashioned? What I do know is I am not going to meet people sitting in my living room watching re-runs of House. (believe me, I have tried and it doesn't work).

Plus, I am not a size 4. Guys want size 4 women without brains and preferably only to use their mouth for pleasuring them. The only guys that really email me from those sites are african american men. While there is nothing wrong with that, it doesn't pique my interest.

So, what is a single girl to do? I do not do the bar scene any more, plus- all the size 4's are out there wearing their pasties. I don't know what else to do. I know hanging out at the Concord Library isn't going to help either...

ANOTHER Addendum to FLIRT POST

Okay - I had PT this morning at 7AM. (that's right) It was more strength stuff and stretching ending with an ultrasound and a massage (MY FAVORITE PART). I was psyched he didn't pawn me off to anyone else.

While I am stretching or strengthening he starts talking to the other PT person about how WE will be finding out soon if WE got the house WE put an offer on... This piqued my interest. WE would most likely mean his significant other. Guys don't buy houses with the bros do they?

Nonetheless, we continued chatting and he showed me how to do a stretch and for no reason tapped me on the elbow with his index finger... It was like "and there you go you silly goose" kind of thing... Then while he was doing the ultrasound he did this weird touch of my shoulder/arm in a weird/silly way - COMPLETELY outside the realm of what he was doing for PT stuff.

Obviously he has the hots for me and I say that because ALL men should. Consequentially, I will allow him to stay with his WE and just refer to him SOLELY as my PT BF.

I believe Rudeness is subjective

I love facebook. I have found a lot of people I haven't talked to in years and have reconnected. I think it is a great social networking thing. So, there was this guy from college that I requested to be a friend and he never accepted me. I thought that was weird because he was at least a drinking buddy in college and some of his buds are my friends as well. So, I thought I would just ask him if it was an oversight or if I did something to make him not want to be my friend. I got a response today and it said:

"We never were friends, you didn't send a message when you friended (rude) me and I really don't feel like I have any reason to keep in touch."

Wow. While in the whole grand scheme of things I really don't give a rat's behind, this is a guy who used to crash on the couch of my apartment in 1997 when he was too drunk to walk/drive home.

I RARELY send a message when I friend people either. Am I missing a facebook social norm? Have I been facebook rude? Oh lordy day.

While this is certainly not really any skin off my back because who needs a HOLIER THAN THOU friend especially on facebook, it stings for a second and hence my blog.

In retrospect I wish I hadn't responded to him but I responded by simply saying:

"Okay. That's completely fine. Thank you for your honesty."

I very well may be the rudest person in the whole wide world, but that is only one person's perception. Other people think my shit don't stink, so since those people outweigh the other people I am going to believe that I really do kick ass.

Psycho sicko stalker blonde biatch...

When I was just about to turn 21, I was dating this guy Dan and there was an EPY sister who had a crush on him. I used to refer to her as psycho sicker stalker blonde biatch (but the other word). Then she dyed her hair brown and then I referred to her as psycho sicko stalker blonde now brunette biatch... I can't even tell you what her real name is, in all honesty.

There is a point to me mentioning this. As I just finished signing up for the Kid Rock fan club (I get a free entrance because I saw him in concert this past year) and watching a video of him from the Inauguration, I was concerned that my obsession might put me in the category of the aforementioned brunette...

What I think makes me different then the other run of the mill stalkers, is that I do realize that he isn't my real boyfriend and that even though he stood in front of me and performed just for me (forget all those other people), he doesn't know me from EVE (and not my sister Eve, who I respectfully assume doesn't know him either, because if she did and didn't tell me there would be an issue)...

I listen to his songs CONSTANTLY on my Ipod. I obsess about the fact that I need to own all of his Cd's and DVDs. I think it is all very healthy... I do this quite often with things, I was like this with Dave Matthews and Michael J. Fox (who may know my feelings about him because I professed my undying love for him on NATIONAL TELEVISON) and maybe a little Vin Diesel too (until the Pacifier)...

So, I know I mention Kid Rock a lot on facebook and now he is my default picture. Rest assured that I am not going to be like the David Letterman stalker, or the Paula Abdul stalker and do something crazy. However, I may have to make you suffer a little bit more with my rantings about him. I hope you don't mind? Especially if he wins his well deserved GRAMMY AWARDS!

In all seriousness, I think it is important for me to focus on Kid Rock instead of focusing on past mistakes with other people. And although it may seem that every male I come in contact with, either in real life or on TV, I instantly have a crush on, that doesn't make it a bad thing... It means I am ready to have crushes and right now it is safe to focus all my energy on someone that won't break my heart, because he will never truly have my heart... Even though he is singing just to me.

Addendum to FLIRT post

I had PT this morning. I got to sleep in until 8am. I didn't even need my alarm, I just woke up minutes before the alarm was to sound and had a good night's sleep. I head into PT early, just because I couldn't sit around any more.

A NEW guy comes out, tells me his name which I don't even remember, and takes me into the room. He states that Steve is unable to see me today because he broke the computer and needs to fix it now. Steve pops his head in, waves, reiterates that he broke the computer and slides the door shut.

That was my PT this morning. Very uneventful and almost saddening. To the point where the new dude was massaging my back and it made the room spin and made me feel sick to my stomach. NICE. Let's see if next Wednesday when I return who I will have for PT.

When is a flirt not a flirt?

Today I went to Physical Therapy. Last Friday my back was so tight the woman therapist wanted me to treat this week with one of the doctoral candidates who was doing his practicum or whatever doctoral candidates do while working on their doctorate... She wanted me to treat with the guys because they get a better leverage to help press on certain places and help stretch better due to their stature.

So, I walk in today and a guy walks out and shakes my hand and says, "Hey, how's your arm?" and I said fine (I really haven't been treating for my arm, it was my shoulder and now it is my neck and shoulder blade) I said Hi, My name is Katie - and he was like, never mind, you aren't mine... I go and sit back down.

Then another man comes out and I said, are you mine? and he said yes. So, we start our session and I have to get in a johnny so I can get an ultrasound and a little massage. Before I begin discussing what happened, I should probably admit that now that I am out of my funk I seem to instantly have a crush on this male. This guy would not turn my head on the street but his voice was soothing, he has good style (pin striped pants and nice shoes) and wears spectacles. He also made fun of me a little bit about my socks. For those who know me, know that I give guys a hard time in the beginning but I like someone who dishes it out a little too and he did that.

So, I disrobe and get in the johnny and I lie face down in the table and he instigated conversation with me... Since I am not a quiet person we talked about stuff from how my day was, about the super bowl, his shoes, TV and where he studied and stuff about his schooling. We bantered back and forth. I even mentioned how I was going to start working towards my Master's and about what I got my undergraduate degree in.

He talked to me about proper stretches and did the whole Physical Therapy stuff. I asked some questions and he answered and made a few references about how out going I am and how I have a great personality and making a lot of comments of how up beat I am. Then, he switched the therapist that I was supposed to see on Friday so that I would treat with him. He stated he was excited to have my up beat personality first thing in the morning.

Now, a lot of the reason why I am having issues w/ my shoulder, neck and back is posture. We discussed how I have to maintain my posture. I asked what the issue is and why women seem to have the most posture problem and he said it was due to our breasts and especially when one has big breasts, like yourself... UM, I have never been told I have big breasts EVER. Thank you. He said and I quote, "Do you have a cell phone, I should text you and remind you that you need to sit up straight!" And stupid me said, "Ya, I can put it on vibrate" In my head I totally DOH'ed myself in the forehead with the heal of my hand.

So, we small talked some more and he told me that he will see me on Friday. Okay, so really out of context this may all sound like a man who is doing his job, but there is something about a man who is touching you while you are partially robed and massaging your neck and stuff that kinda makes it feel different...

I am a very positive person and see a silver lining in everything, however there is a catch, I see the positivity and silver lining for other people, not myself. However, knowing this, I walked out of the PT office with a spring in my step and a smile on my face actually thinking, "OH MY GOD, HE WAS TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH ME!"

So, I ask you... Was this handsome doctoral candidate flirting with me and thoroughly enjoying my disposition and smiling face or was he simply doing his job? (Could there be a third option of all of the above? quite possibly....)

Nonetheless, I can't wait to see him Friday morning. I was going to change my appointment date/time but after that experience. HELL NO. Keeping that appointment, specifically because he switched to HAVE me as a client again. Meow Baby. Does Millsie got her groove back or is it just another case of me overreacting?

The Palps

I have my review today - this will tell me how much my raise is and may possibly tell me how much my bonus is - not sure, can't remember.

I am just hoping that I don't get the same score I have gotten the last two years... That's right, two years in a row, SAME SCORE... I deserve to be higher up on the spectrum.

Characteristics - I am definitely open to new ideas, I am open, collegial, trusting working relations.

Capabilities - I think I see the big picture (okay, now I do), I think I communicate effectively (except when someone plays a game of semantics with me) I work effectively with others.
I plan and organize my work, I DEFINITELY focus on service. Analyzing and problem solving - I will say that I don't deserve 100% on that. Applying financial acumen (keen insight, shrewdness) OH HECK YA, Achieving results? Maybe not as much last year as I have this year but still...

Capacity - executes plans under difficult circumstances - every day is a difficult circumstance.
Manages comfortably in the absence of complete information - okay, you got me... this COULD be my down fall.
Maintains quality of thinking after long periods of controversy-- WHO ACTUALLY CAN DO THAT?
Confronts and resolves conflict - I think so
Demonstrates High Energy - OH YA BABY.
Willingly adapts to shifting or competing priorities - OH YA
Accepts needed change - yuppers
Remains calm and reasonable amidst tense or stressful situations - um, maybe?
Deals constructively with mistakes and setbacks... Sure.

EXECUTION DRIVEN- HELL YA
Customer focused - yes
Team-oriented - they should change the word team to MILLS
Job satisfaction fit..... ah, there's the rub!

Well, I will keep you posted