Big Girl day

I know it doesn't sound like much but today was the first day in a while where I felt like an adult and also proud of who I am and how I am perceived... I will explain. First I must explain that I am always proud of who I am but it is often how I am perceived that takes the skip out of my step... I do know that I shouldn't care about what other people think of me, but for some reason it is like GROUND HOG day and I wake up trying to please everyone else but myself.

But today was a different day, a day I would like to post up on my refrigerator... Today was the first day that I got to use the envelopes provided to parishioners at church. So, although I already registered to be a member of the parish, I got to use the envelopes today. Well, I know that doesn't sound all exciting because within that envelope it means I have to give money to the church, but it made me feel like an adult...

Then, at church this morning, when I went up for the Eucharist, the priest was on our side of the church and he gave me the host and then commented to me, "You keep smiling okay"! That really made my whole day. He saw me in the church and saw me smiling... That's huge... I made an indelible impression...

Which got me to thinking. The main thing I hate about living in Concord is my commute... But instead of thinking of reasons why I hate living in Concord - my downstairs neighbors are second on the list to my commute- I should think of all the good things about living here. Just as much as I would like to move closer to work, I would like to stay. While a lot of my "life" is outside of Concord, I am growing to really like being here. I mean, I don't see the people I don't want to see... But I make it a point to see the people I want to see. I feel like I belong. Could that be because I joined the parish? I don't know. Parish means neighborhood, but I don't really know the people in my church other than Heather and Caitlin, but eventually, right?

Maybe the worrying about others isn't so much just that, it is just wanting a place to be. Right now, I have to remind myself I don't live a solitary, lonely life. That I share my life with many different "neighborhoods". So, I guess it doesn't truly matter where I hang my hat, or how far I have to drive, it has to be where I feel I fit.

Maybe that's another big girl revelation!