Anti-Clockwise

My mom read somewhere that at different times of the year one is to change the direction the ceiling fan is going. She couldn't remember the opposite of clockwise, so she wrote herself a note to turn the fan ANTI-CLOCKWISE.

I share that anecdote because in Roller Derby we skate counterclockwise normally. However, in practice to build up the "opposite" muscle group we skate the opposite way. THIS KICKS MY ASS. I can't do the cross overs with the opposite leg. Frankly I can't even master the crossovers with the correct leg. I groan and moan and just hate it when I hear training tell us to turn around and sprint the other way. So, I will now, forever, refer to that as anti-clockwise, because I am so ANTI every time we have to do it!

Last night's practice was complete agility and we would do a drill and then do a 2 minute sprint. I was pooped last night because I was doing so many new things and my body didn't really know how to react. We did balance drills, we skated backwards, we did transitions, turning toe stops, skating around cones on one leg... The last sprint was anti-clockwise and I was beat. However, Bettie came up behind me and verbally pushed me to push myself for that last 2 minutes. It was SO what I needed because I was ready to give up! I needed that kind of positive reinforcement to push me to continue. It wasn't like a mandate to "do my crossovers", it was positively pushing me and that made my whole practice... It was like Bettie "knew me" to know that was what I needed. Which means that next time I know I will be able to do it on my own...

Even though I am ANTI clockwise, I am PRO positive reinforcement!

(okay so my Anti-clockwise analogy doesn't really work, but just roll with me, okay?)

Baby Steps

I have to remember that I just put skates on for the first time in September. It is now February. I started skating 23 weeks ago (167 days)... I can't just think I am going to be an Olympian in 167 days... I wasn't an all star softball player in 167 days. I am being my own worse critic. Someone actually told me that they thought I would QUIT because I didn't pass my level ones again. Obviously, that is SO not the case with me. I don't quit. The only thing I quit is SMOKING and that's about it...

In the beginning I was tired of saying this is my second time on skates, this is my third time on skates because the girls in my first Fresh Meat group and my second Fresh Meat group were (are) so talented... I didn't want it to be about me never skating before. While I don't want it to be all about me never skating, I think it has to be in order for me not to be my worst critic. But when you have a new girl asking you, "So are you a Fresh Meat or a Veteran"? It is hard not hold back the emotions of it all and see how far one hasn't come. My response was, " This is my second fresh meat class, I didn't pass my level one both times I was assessed". And the response was "Oh". Yup. That's when the beating myself up begins.

I need to not beat myself up because of my ability or inability. I need to remember that the girls I started skating with in September and in January had skated before in their lives and are now at the scrimmage level and I am at the same level I was as day 1. I have done many things in my life, just never with wheels on my feet... I have to remember that!

I worked on transitions last night - that crazy turning toe stop action... I kind of got it and it surprised me how I got the mechanics and it just clicked. However, before that, I got all bent out of shape because we had to do a drill that required me to skate backwards. Um, I just barely mastered forwards... I did the drill to the best of my ability, but I have to remember that almost every new thing is a milestone and I should be proud that I got THAT far. I can't beat myself up about how I didn't master it immediately....

So, while I want my new goal to be that I can hit and be able to hit so well that I can take down Vicious. My real goal has to be that I have to allow myself the baby steps and not look at how far I have to go but how far I have come... This is hard because I want to be farther than I am, but the road ahead is much shorter than the road behind me, right?

Baby steps. (Thanks Bettie for once again putting this in perspective for me).

Heart Breaker's Ball

My first event as Fundraising Committee Chair has come and gone... PHEW (visualize me wipping the sweat from my brow)! I think I was a complete stress ball at the event, but I do think, overall, it was an enjoyable night.

There were a few hitches that I didn't know about (50/50 raffle and King and Queen of the Ball) and the prizes for the committee that sold the most tickets for their basket weren't there... Still not quite sure what they are too...

But, it looks like the night was a success. Hopefully we made some cash... I added it all up and it looks like a lucrative amount. THANK GOODNESS.

Next event I should be able to sit back and relax a little more.

Scrimmage

Last night our practice was at 8:15pm, a short one, but not short on the intensity... While I enjoyed the drills and working my ass off for that hour, what I will say is that I THOROUGHLY ENJOYED MANAGING THE BLACK TEAM....

It was a challenge with people in the box (not my Dirty Kat Box) or injuries or people just being tired, but it was so much fun to feel a part of the scrimmage...

I hope someday I can do that again... I kept my skates on for the whole thing and had to skate over and make eye contact and tell people their positions. I just liked it... I mean, I enjoy doing stats in the middle, but this time I felt like a part of the team...

And finally, I GOT TO HIT!

Hitting drills were on the menu for last night's practice and I found my favorite thing to do!!! I have been waiting for this moment for approximately 33 years, more or less.

We first did a drill where we had to skate under a jump rope and "jump" up like a pretend hit. We were to use our legs and pop up... At the end of weaving and popping we were to skate to a person in the end holding a hitting pad and give him our best hit... The first time through the line, I got clothes lined. May B Knotty was the end and giggled at my attempt (and it made me chuckle)... The second time, I heeded Heat's advise and to use my knees and I lost my balance completely. I caught myself from falling but it wasn't pretty. The third time, I believe I got it.

Then we had to skate around with our Skater Sister and LEAN into a hit (since I am still no contact, I couldn't actually hit, per se, but I could lean into it. And this was the best thing every... I was pretty much able to push my Skater Sister out each time, while trying to keep my elbows in... Man that was so much fun.

Then after all that, we went off to the side, took our skates off and learned the basics of how to hit... This was by far my favorite part. Every hit or stance I could relate to another sport or something I am skilled in... Keeping my elbows in and getting low is like volley ball... the lower the base of the hit the harder it is to get knocked down - like the strike zone (kind of).. Swooping in is like BOXING OUT in basket ball and the hip check is like a dance move...

YAY... I enjoyed that thoroughly. Plus, teaching Nancy and Yvonne how to do stats (or at least try to teach them) was so much fun.. They were such great learners and I enjoyed being on top of it - except that ONE TIME I zoned out and Woody yelled at me to get my attention, but I TOTALLY deserved it...

Can't wait to practice it some more.

Derby, Derby, Derby

I seriously feel like I am back in college and President of my Sorority once again... To quote my boyfriend, "a Low life living the High Life". College was the best time of my life. I had so many friends, everyone on campus knew me (that could be an over statement, but my theory was that since I worked in the bookstore, everyone at least SAW me). I didn't have a care in the world. Money wasn't an issue because I was the President and didn't have to PAY to get into parties, I was respected because I was a member of the executive board of Greek Senate. I felt like the belle of the ball...

Getting back into something like Roller Derby with NHRD is like being in a sorority again, minus the drinking all the time... It is ironic to me that although I will forever be a sister of Eta Gamma Chi, the year that HrX ceases to exist, I find a place to fit, and really feel like I belong...

My days are filled with meetings and practice and people that want to spend time with me and are interested in my day to day stuff... If my facebook status is kind of down in the dumps - I get emails that someone will take care of who ever put the pus on my face... It is nice to feel part of something again.

Also, being a part of this team makes me feel better about me. Although not all things work out the way I want them to, people seem to really understand me and I am no longer on the island of misfit toys. Friday, I get home from work and what seemed like a really long week and I have an anonymous card in my mailbox, with no return address, just a postmark from Manchester. It is addressed to Dirty Kat Box (and I am 100% certain that the mailman laughed his ass off) and it is signed LOVE, ME... It says some really nice things to me and it made me cry (a second time this week) for all the right reasons. Once again, I get reassured that I somehow have made a difference to some people and they genuinely care about me and my feelings.

I am lucky enough to say I have met some wonderful people in my life, and even luckier to have these people in my friends column. However, I can't even express in words how awesome it feels to know that some of these people that I have met recently, within the past 4 months, are so welcoming and help me feel like I belong.

Being a single lady in her 30's, I sometimes think of my lonely times and to know that I have some great friends to spend time with and make me feel good about myself, makes me not feel so lonely.

I will also say that I do have some "old" friends from KSC/K&Q/WRHS that do make me feel like I belong and are great people. Our lives have brought us to different places in life physically, relationally, professionally and personally. These people are also important people in my life that aided me in becoming who I am now and I cherish every minute we have spent and will spend together...

Derby is everything about being in college that I loved AND you get to skate around and eventually get to knock people down too... Who could ask for anything more?! hehehehe

It was the best of days, it was the worst of days

Assessments... I don't know why I get so tense with EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING? Probably because I don't like doing things wrong. Who does? Probably because I want to pass SO bad. Probably because I am not used to performing badly at an athletic level.

I have played sports since I was five years old. YES this is the first time I have ever played sports on wheels, but still... I am extremely frustrated in myself that it isn't coming to me easier... Could it be that I am now 33 years old? Maybe. Could it be that I weigh more? Who knows. What I do know is that it bugs me to no end. I eat, sleep and breath thinking about these dastardly crossovers. And, once I get those, who knows how long it will take me to get the turning toe stops?

So, Monday's assessment went slightly better than my first assessment. Interestingly enough I realized I was wearing the same socks as I wore on 10/09/09... Which may be why I had the same leg pain, but that could just be an excuse (They are the Keen socks and they are tight). I think I nailed the same stuff I nailed last time - t stops, toe stops, plow stops, single knee slides, rock star slides, and BASEBALL SLIDES (MY FAVORITE). Last time, after 8 practices, I didn't have any balance. I couldn't skate around on one foot to save my life... This time, it was like second nature.... However, the crossovers are what caused me to not pass. Last time, (10/09/09) I couldn't even fathom DOING a crossover... This time, I did the crossovers as I have been doing them since I figured out how to physically do them. Interestingly enough, this is wrong. I was told I do a cross over like I am running and that I need to do them more sweepingly and with a "glide". I get that. It makes sense. I have learned how to do crossovers by watching other people, so in theory I was translating what I saw into how I was doing the crossovers. I must have been watching wrong.

When we were advised who passed, I didn't hear my name. Not shocked but still hoping, in my heart of hearts, that I would pass. Nope. However, it was stated (in front of everyone) how far I have come since never being on skates before September and I should be proud of how far I have come. Okay. Proud of failing my level one assessment not once, but twice. Proud of failure. That doesn't work for me. Has anyone on the team failed twice... Nope, just Katie Mills.

So, I turned it into a Katie Mills pity party for a little bit... I am now able to not get teary about it, but I am just frustrated with myself. I don't fail. Next practice that I am able to attend, I am going to try and glide. I will be a level 1.

The part that made it the best of days was that when I walked into practice a bunch of my friends came up to me and said they were staging an intervention... I was confused because I hadn't drank that day... They handed me an envelope (which I had difficulty opening) and within that envelope were tickets to see KID ROCK at Mohegan Sun. The concert I was bummed that I wouldn't be able to attend because I just couldn't afford it... I BURST into tears... I couldn't believe it. No one has EVER done anything so nice for me in my life... So, when I think back about how bad I felt at the end of practice, I remember how awesome I felt at the beginning of practice. And that makes me smile, and will continue to make me smile for a long, long time.