When it rains it pours (especially with the weather we have been having lately)

Um, so today was my first day at my new job and I love it. However, I check my voicemail when I get out of the office and I have a voicemail from PRIMEX (the Concord job I have been WAITING to hear from)... They want 3 letters of reference... I haven't heard JACK from them in over 2 weeks and the DAY I start my new, fantastic job (that fills me w/ happiness) THEY CALL? What is this all about?

You are SOOOOO dead to me SHAW'S

I went and did my sister's grocery shopping as she has a broken foot and has been really under the weather this weekend. Normally, when I do this for her, she writes a check and then I write it for $25 over as payment for my services.

Today there was a DOUCHE BAG manager who wouldn't allow me to write the check over the amount. I have done this multiple times and advised the DB of this and still she continued her douchebagery and wanted me to write a 2nd check... I was like listen CHILD, I have done this multiple times, this is how you do it. Nope, DB!!!

So, I apologized up and down to the nice gentleman behind me who was buying at least 20 Blue Powerades, took my receipt and stormed out of there without my $25. I was texting my sister to advised of the DB and the guy behind me in line was actually parked next to me. He was very kind and advised me that I should call corporate Shaw's and advise them of what transpired. I called the manager of Shaw's and he had already left for the day so I was placed on the phone with the Night Manager. He said his name twice and both times he said them too fast. He was very kind and explained what may have occurred and said next time to ask for the DB's manager and he will allow it... I should have done this before I left but there was a huge line behind me. I didn't have to get mean with the night manager and say we were bringing our business elsewhere because he was very kind.

However, in talking with my sister, she may take her shopping to Hannaford's.... Yay sis...

Weird question - am I over analyzing myself?

There is a tattooed boy who delivers me my salads from Kaylens - today he choked and was like not breathing in or something when he left... So, in the back of my head, I am thinking, is it my breath?

A so-called friend told me recently (in front of people) that my breath smelled like I ate shit - and now I am afraid CONSTANTLY that my breath is bad...

Can I chalk this up to a coincidence or should I continue analyzing it and be afraid that my Kaylens delivery boy BF thinks I have stinky breath?

Feeling kind of empty

I don't know how to explain it. I am not the kind of person who needs a boyfriend or has to have one all the time. In the 33 years of my existence I have been single longer than I have been in a relationship. That being said, lately I have been feeling like something is missing. Not sure what or how. I mean, I am feeling good about myself again and I think therapy and changing my life goals have really put everything I need in perspective. BUT SOMETHING IS AMISS.

Maybe I am in heat or something but I am checking out every guy I see, especially looking at his left hand to see if there is a ring. I have NEVER been like this. Could this be a biological clock thing (although I have NEVER wanted to have kids)? Could it be a boredom thing since I am currently in between jobs? Who knows. What could it be?

I am not looking for a relationship, I am not looking for a hook up. I don't know what I am looking for, I just feel like a piece of me is missing - which is odd. The other day I was watching TV and I almost reached for the phone to find a phone number for an ex so I could tell him that SPONGE BOB was going to be appearing somewhere this weekend and I was sure his kids would love it. Um, the last time I spoke with this person he called me the C word, um, I don't want to talk to him or tell him anything. Why did I have that fleeting thought? Could it just be that it isn't worth the effort of anger? Do I miss him? HELL NO!

I am just confused. I don't know what caused this confusion. Maybe it is due to lack of me being able to relax that having nothing on my plate has caused me to actually delve inside to my own thoughts. Specifically the thoughts I have no control over - but what is that going to do? I have more important fish to fry, like obtaining a job... Who knows. However, if you know any eager and willing men send them my way.

The Barley House

Marianne came up to visit Saturday and we decided to go out. The only place I have ever really gone out to, other than Penuche's (which I think is a gay bar) is The Barley House. Although the "bouncer" was a sour puss and didn't laugh at either Marianne or my jokes, it didn't deter us from having a good time.

The bar area is kind of small but we hunkered down and started chatting up with the bar tenders - quasi handsome young men (however, I think I am in heat anyway so it doesn't matter). Marianne and I had some beers, some shots, met quite a few drunk guys and closed the place down. Even though we missed last call (which kept me from having to buy a round of shots - maybe it was sheer luck), the drinks and company were great.

While I don't think that I could walk into that place solo and hang out, I do feel better knowing I have a place I can go in Concord. Can't wait to go back!

Big Bag of Nerves

I had my second interview today for a job I REALLY want... I think I may have gotten cocky because a person from the NH Department of Labor called the people who interviewed me during the 1st interview to sing my praises. He outright told me that he doesn't go to bat for anyone. So, I think in my head I had this sign, sealed and delivered. Plus, I looked so DAMN HOT today that if they were actually basing their decision on HOTNESS, hands down I would already have been offered the position. My outfit was slammingly appropriate, my make-up and hair came out great - what else could I have asked for?

The same two women who interviewed me last week called me into a different conference room from before. Then someone new came into the room. It was the guy who HIRED the current CEO of the company. He asked me mostly all the same questions from the 1st interview and I am very adept at verbalizing how awesome I am. That was it for the verbal part of the interview. He excused himself and then they handed me their test!!!! (Might I add when I signed in today they had the same sign in sheet from Friday and only 1 other person had signed in since Friday for an interview).

This test was to write a letter denying something that wasn't worker's compensation related. Seriously, no problem. The 2nd part was to fill out initial paperwork (which at my current employment we have PEOPLE that do that for us) and I had to reserve this file. I have never done initial reserves for claims nor have I done this paperwork - but I had an idea on how to do so. My only issue was that this file should have paperwork filled out for Partial Disability - and I didn't know the formula to do so (I use a calculator provided by the DOL). So, I made a rough estimate in my mind.

Man, I hope I mailed it. I really want this job. I don't think I have ever wanted anything so badly. PLEASE SEND ME POSITIVE VIBES!

I watched the movie Yes Man last night and I really think it has such a positive message and I think I need to take from that movie and use it in my own life... YES, YES, YES I will get this job!!!!

Sweet Love Hangover

I love movies. Recently there have been two block busters that I have actually seen twice in the theatre... The only time before this that I remember watching a movie twice in the theatre was FORREST GUMP! I remember my friend telling me that he saw The Matrix 9 times in the theatre. I am not that bad... (But the Matrix is a great movie).

I saw Star Trek twice - OH MY LORD DAY... I have a kinship with William Shatner because we were born on the same day. However, I wouldn't call myself a Trekkie... I am a fan of Heroes and I love Zachary Quinto and that piqued my interest in this movie. And who doesn't love a good action flick... It was just as good the 2nd time as it was the first time.

I saw The Hangover twice - HILARIOUS... The first time I saw it, opening weekend, there were five people in the theatre. The 2nd time, this past weekend, I went with three friends and the theatre was PACKED... IT was just great to see how other people reacted to the humor and it enabled me to remember the great movie quotes even better...

I RECOMMEND BOTH movies... I can't wait til they come out on video. Now, in a little over a week TRANSFORMERS is out. Next one I will see, will I see it twice???? I will keep you posted

Roller Derby here I come

I went to see the NH Roller derby team Skate free or die on Saturday and fell instantly in love. I can't wait to try out. I even came up with a good roller derby name. Kat-ASS-Trophy..... (pronounced catastrophe)... I love the out fits, the style, the roughness and everything about it. I can't wait to try out.

I want everyone to come and watch me kick some serious roller derby behind...

You know what?

You know how I know that I have lost more weight? I can cross my legs... Before, I had gained SO much weight that I couldn't cross my legs... I was so disappointed in myself. But now I can do it!!!! YAY ME!!!!

My top 10 Favorite DAVE MATTHEWS BAND songs and why

1.) Dancing Nancies - 23 so tired of life, such a shame to throw it all away... At 23 when I first heard this song, I thought Dave was actually singing to me specifically.

2.) Grey Street - There's a loneliness inside her and she'll do anything to fill it in. And though it's red blood bleeding from her now it feels like cold blue ice in her heart. She feels like kicking out all the windows and setting fire to this life. She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright, but all the colors mix together to grey..
Seriously, when I get my sleeve tattoos, on my left arm, somehow, those lyrics will be in that tattoo. This is just a beautiful song.

3.) Crush - before these crowded streets came out just as I was coming back from Spain - this song is part of the DMB orgasm trifecta (three specific songs played back to back to back could cause orgasm, I swear). AM I RIGHT SIDE UP OR UPSIDE DOWN, IS IT REAL OR AM I DREAMING?

4.) Grace is Gone... This song came out after I saw Dave at the Garden (the first time I ever saw him in doors and I didn't know the name of this song but thought it was beautiful... It doesn't hurt that my niece's name is Grace and I want to take her to see Dave when she is older...
One drink to remember then one drink to forget. I think of every day to find a love like you again.... OH to have love like this...

5.) Say Good-bye... my roommate in Spain had the crash CD and I just listened to this song over and over again... Loving the words and how beautiful they are. Plus, Dave never sings the song the same way - and I believe the first time I saw Dave they sang this song... It is heaven! (one of the Orgasm Trifecta)

6.) All Along the Watchtower - if Dave hits the high note at the end of this song, it is the final part of the DMB orgasm trifecta! This song is the ultimate last song - especially the way it was played day 1 at Fenway this year. Tim Reynolds guitar solo went into Stairway to Heaven and then back to watchtower... Hey... NO REASON TO GET EXCITED!!!!

7.) Long Black Veil. This song is a favorite because this CD I put in a jukebox at what used to be my favorite bar in Keene. I have this theory that most of my favorite songs are either song 7 or 8 on a disc and I got to play this song every time I was at my favorite bar. Plus, I first heard this song on a tribute show to Johnny Cash!

8.) Angel - I love this song because it reminds of a line from my favorite movie - Eddie and the Cruisers - "Words and music man, words and music." What amazes me about this song is how beautiful the words of the song are and how glorious the music is. How did they decide these words with those particular notes? It is beautifully orchestrated. (this song is also a number 8 on a CD). Plus, a friend of mine told me once to call him if Dave sang this song, so I did, so it makes me think of a friend.

9.) Gravedigger - I love this song even more so after hearing it both nights at Fenway this year when Dave and Willie sang it together. I want this song played at my funeral and if they release the version of Willie and Dave together -I want that one played at my funeral.

10.) Spoon. Dave and Alanis together. Pure Magic...

Unanswered Prayers

My facebook status this afternoon was: things are so much rosier in my land of make believe!

I think that for every single action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Now, I didn't coin that theory but I believe it. Today I got a text from a friend of mine and that person was at a bar. Man oh man, did I want to have a pint or four this afternoon. I received a picture of a full pint glass via text and the subject said said, "Had to have one". I texted back, " Lucky Bastard. That looks delectable." No response... Time went by and nothing. In my land of make believe I received a text that said, " Hurry up and get out of work. Meet me at the bar and I will buy you a beer!" My land of make believe is ROSIER. That text doesn't exist in the real world.

Later on when I got home I decided to have a glass of wine. All I have here is red wine, not my favorite, but beggars can't be choosers. So, I took a picture of my glass of wine and sent it to my friend. My friend said, " I see you are imbibing yourself. lol" (Btw, I hate LOL - but that is another blog for another day). I texted back, "Ya. Having 1 glass. Need to boost my spirits (no pun intended). And nothing... I could seriously here crickets and it's not because my slider was open.

In my land of make believe (now this isn't too difficult) I received a text stating something like WHY DO YOU NEED TO BOOST YOUR SPIRITS? or something asking me why the funk, you know? And nothing...

This leads me to believe that I either have a vivid imagination of how I should be treated or no one really understands me and what I want. Maybe it is a sign to tell me that the person from whom I want this validation isn't the person to give it to me? Which I am sure is the point because Garth Brooks wouldn't sing about it if it wasn't the truth... Nonetheless, I crave this attention and I am ready for this attention, but why am I not getting it?

So, who ever coined the theory of every action has an equal and opposite reaction based that theory on the fact that whatever KATIE MILLS wants to happen, the result is the equal and opposite response. Thanks DUDE. You suck.

*** Addendum***
About an hour and a half (or more) from my last text, I got one from my friend. We chatted back and forth and I told my friend that since I was in a weird mood could he say something that would make me smile... The text back was, "Tomorrow is Friday and Dave Matthews is waiting to see you Saturday". This made me smile (although I will not be attending the Hartford shows), it definitely shows a valiant effort... SMILES.

The Zen of Sarcasm

The Zen of Sarcasm
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

AND 22 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.