Empty Promises

Yesterday's blog, although cathartic, opened the flood gates of thoughts regarding some of my ex-boyfriends. This morning, on my way to work, I went by this auto dealership that during the summer had mopeds on display - one of which was HELLO KITTY PINK. This got me thinking because this summer I desperately wanted to get a moped. With gas prices as high as they were and all the driving I was doing in the PT, I wanted this pink moped. The guy I was dating at the time is car savvy and said that if I got a used moped he would fix it up for me and I wouldn't have to worry about buying a new one... Now, that memory flooded into my brain this morning whilst driving by and I thought - nope - that's another empty promise that will never come to fruition. However, I am uncertain if I am actually "allowed" to be mad at this guy for breaking this promise because he and I are no longer together.

When I was with Kevin, the guy I lived with, he promised me the world. When I quit my job teaching in January and was unemployed for a month and a half after buying a car in May, he told me I would never have to worry about car payments again. Another empty promise. When we broke up, and this break up wasn't pretty as we had to live together for a while after the break up. He was also a heavy drinker (the worst I have ever seen and I went to Keene State and saw some drinkers) and during the course of our break up he started doing coke. Needless to say you can see how this led to me getting a restraining order. I digress. When we first broke up and were still living together I was so angry about the promises that he made that were all lies. He promised he would never hurt me and that I would never have to date again... I asked him about these promises and of course his answers were not what I wanted to hear.

In thinking about this today, I guess (after time) I can realize I can't still be mad at Kevin for his empty promise of never hurting me or saying I would never have to date again. (For those of you that don't know the reason why Kevin and I broke up, was that I thought he was proposing to me and he gave me a ceramic cow. After a few beers I told him this and we broke up 2 days later) The reason why I think I can't be mad at Kevin is because these were intangible things that today were just empty promises that he couldn't ever really, actually promise, you know? And, no way in hell do I wish I was still with him! So does that mean sometimes EMPTY PROMISES are miracles in disguise? It is like that Garth Brook song - unanswered prayers.

However, the promise of fixing up a moped for me is tangible... And something I really wanted and liked the idea that it wouldn't cost me a ton. Now, I seriously know that I really have no reason to be angry and think this dude owes me a moped. I am an independent woman, if I really wanted a moped I would get it myself, along with everything else that I want which I provide for myself. But, in driving by that dealership and having that PTSD flash back moment, I thought to myself, "DAMN, no moped!!!!!"

For the future, I don't want any promises made to me other than promising never to lie to me. Or don't promise me something that you can provide within 24 hours... I will readjust my promise quotient so that none of them can ever be empty, or for those tangible things I will get them in writing!!!!!