I feel crapulous

I just did a dictionary.com search for the word sick to find a great synonym and I found crapulent and crapulous... I totally feel crapulous! That word should have a picture of me next to it in the dictionary... Let me set the stage:

I have a face eating zit! Oh yeah, that is awesome. It is practically gone, but it was so big that I thought that I might have to register it somewhere as it's own landmark.

Out of the blue I started to feel sick sunday - some slight pain on my right side *not over my heart* and thru my armpit and now into my back... Then I felt like I was gonna pass out! At first I thought I was just hungry because it was warm and my friends and I had exerted some physical energy by moving some furniture. Mind you, I don't do well in heat - I do okay exerting physical energy - I actually enjoy sweating whilst doing something as I feel like it means I did something - but after having a yummy burger from Kaylen's I thought I was going to pass out. I couldn't catch my breath and felt really light headed. It made me so mad because I wanted to stay up and hang out w/ a friend once he got out of work... However, I just couldn't do it. I went home and fell asleep at 9pm...

I woke up monday w/ chest pain and all over yuckiness so I called in... I slept till 11am - which isn't normal for me... So, I layed around watched tv - and then fell asleep at like 2pm and slept til 6ish. Not feeling any better so I called in to work for tuesday *today*.

So, this morning, I woke up not feeling any better - so I went to Horseshoe Pond Urgent care at around 10am... Urgent shouldn't be a part of their title. I walked in and signed in... Sat there for over an hour and finally went up to the desk and asked about when I would be seen - 10 people had come and gone before I had even registered.

Finally around 11:30 I was registered. I get back into a room - next to a camp counselor who has pink eye. YIKES. Finally a nurse comes in and I have to put on a johnny - I worked that johnny - you know it...

So, the Physician Assistant comes in - he is tripping over his words, dropping stuff and can't make EYE CONTACT... NICE, huh? So I think I am coming in for something to do w/ my chest pain and he checks out my ears - and says there is yellow fluid in both ears - and I have SINUSITIS... and costochondritis...

So, I am on an antibiotic and need to take a decongestion med tomorrow *because I already took an allergy med this morning*. So, I got a note to be oow for one more day - hoping the antibiotic will kick in... So, hopefully I won't feel so CRAPULOUS tomorrow!

Sofa king yucky

So my friend CYN FISH taught me this new phrase which I love - SOFA KING! In her honor, I would like to tell a story about my yesterday... OH YA - and use that phrase as much as possible.

After work yesterday, it was raining sofa king hard that it was like I lived in CA. I say that because when in rains in CA - people drive like they are in a blizzard. In my attempt to go home w/o an arc, mind you, I was enraged to extreme road rage proportions that I yelled at the top of my lungs, " YOU GO YOU DOUCHE BAG, IT ISN'T LIKE I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY OR ANYTHING, YOU HAD AN EFFEN YIELD!"

So, I get home, let the dog out, play w/ her for a bit and then head over to Lesbonia as all I knew was I wanted to have some beer and unwind. I finished my 1st beer in probably 30 seconds flat. Could it have been that I spilled half of it down the front of me whilst opening it because I was sofa king frazzled... 3 beers later, my friends and I concoct a plan that was sofa king awesome that we get to go see a guy friend at his casa after he returns from work and puts his kids to bed... Sofa king sweet...

Well, I finish my 6 pack, go to the store, by myself another 6 pack, our guy friend a 6 pack and 4 scratch tickets. We all win except for Carianne, for which I am sofa king pissed.

So, we proceed to get stupid. When I say stupid, it is only me that gets stupid. I have two more beers and get outrageous - stay away from me if your contagious - cuz I'm a winner, not not a loser, to be an MC is what I chose-r. I Digress... I am sofa king stupid that I snort... FOR NO REASON - I am not laughing, I am not talking, I am simply BREATHING and I snort....

So, 1am rolls around and I have to work today - who is sofa king smart? OOOOOOOH I am! Finally I get home, and it didn't take me 20 minutes this time (it is a 3 minute drive- that is another story for another day - because I was sofa king stupid that day too)... So, I didn't get to sleep until 1:30amish.

So, I realize that my sister is taking today off - sadly, her boyfriend is in the hospital w/ Pancreatitis and she took the day to be w/ him which I think is sofa king nice. However, in her taking the day off, I realized I don't have to get up at the ass crack of dawn and was so excited that I danced a minuet - which was sofa king righteous. So, I slept til 7ish - but I felt SOFA KING YUCKY - hung over and stupid...

So, I decide to go to Irving to get my ice coffee - which is normally sofa king fantastic - they were all out - so I told the clerk and she goes to refill it and the machine EXPLODES basically. I felt so bad - she had customers coming out of the wood work and I didn't get any ice coffee - so I had to get HOT COFFEE - but I got it for free - SOFA KING FREE! However, I made it to work and then spilled coffee on my brandy new coach bag - SOFA KING NOT GOOD!

But I am here - I made it - it is going to be one long day - but all in all - last night was sofa king great. It goes into the history books - SOFA KING ROCK ON!

Curiouser and Curiouser

I am curious about a lot of things - however, today I have one specific curiosity that I would like to get to the bottom of.

I know we all complain about stuff - life sucks and people need to vent so they won't explode. However, there is a particular person I work with that finds something to complain about every 5 seconds! It's too cold, it's too hot, it's too noisy - Then it changes to she has TOO MUCH WORK TO DO- and complains that she was notified not exactly 24 hours before a meeting was scheduled or that she doesn't know how to do this or that. I think along w/ these complaints is a sense of entitlement that one should DROP EVERYTHING and answer her questions.

Part of me thinks she is just socially inept and quasi mentally retarded, but my diagnosis is medically unfounded (HOWEVER, I STAND BY IT BECAUSE I DO PLAY A DOCTOR ON TV). None the less - she drives me up a tree... To the point where I email my coworkers saying I am going to punch her in the face! For real! (see previous blog explaining said punching in the face)...

Personally, it takes a lot for me to blow steam out of my ears. I normally let this person bother me until I can't take anymore. For example, I can hear her eating from approx 6-7 feet away right now, but I am not going to call her on it. I will wait til she begins to bitch about something and then make a comment to her. Here's a great example - the other day - we were registering to take our Insurance Adjuster examination for the state of NH and she was having issue w/ her credit card. I asked her a question and she said, "WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT BECAUSE IT IS OBVIOUS IT ISN'T WORKING" in a very rude, crass tone - so I responded - I AM NOT TRYING TO BE A PAIN IN THE ASS, I JUST WANTED TO HELP YOU! This caused neighboring coworkers to secretly laugh at my return serve.

The reason why this blows my top is - DON'T WE ALL HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO? DON'T ALL OF OUR PHONES RING? Like, I am not sitting her for my health or good looks with absolutely nothing on my plate, am I? No, I have crap to do and I do it with out finding something to moan and groan about - plus I do it with a smile on my face and most likely a song in my heart *probably a Dave song for that matter*. Also, if you are cold EVERY GD DAY - where long sleeves! Don't sit there and complain to every person walking by that you are cold - and then put your jacket and scarf on - insert sad violin playing here -

Therefore - I have decided that I will not take this much longer -I told my manager that I can't deal with this person's BS any longer (I am still unsure if that was good or bad of me to do, however, I had to tell her so I don't get fired for punching her in the face). I vow to make it KNOWN to this person that I am not dealing w/ her BS. When she comes over to bitch about something (because no one else is around) she senses my frustration and asked me if she is frustrating me - next time I will say a RESOUNDING yes! I will have to because it just dawned on me that my attempts at ignoring her inappropriate behavior may be ENABLING her. That's it... No more MISS NICE KATIE!

Punching someone in the face

I am not a violent person - I got in one fight in 5th grade, on the way to CCD - It was Andrea Colpritt nee Boucher, myself and Christina Cataldo - and we decided to punch her on the walk to Catechism. It was probably like I was punching jello at a negative 5 miles per hour... Andrea and I were grounded for 1 week. Oh, and when I was young - on a Saturday morning cartoon day, I wanted to watch the Smurfs and my waste of skin brother wanted to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks - so I right jabbed him in the gut - That's my history of violence.

The radio station I listen to, 100.3 WHEB has a weekly punch in the face segment and I have wanted to call in so many times but I haven't done it yet - which got me thinking that daily I want to punch someone in the face. There are different levels of severity to my punches.

If one really just frosts my fanny, burns my apple, chaps my arse - I simply say, "I'm gonna punch (insert name here) in the face.

If it is a woman who makes me angry, I sometimes quote "The Anchorman" and say, "I'm gonna punch her in the baby maker" *and then I strike a pose like I just punched her (a la Popeye) w/ my left arm...

If it is someone I really wish I could cause SERIOUS HARM TO - like a habitual offender - I like to say I am going to punch them in the throat - hoping I could crush his/her windpipe (a la John Travolta in BROKEN ARROW)...

I serious do not wish anyone harm and no farm animals were injured while typing this blog - but sometimes people get me SO pissed off that the only way I can diffuse/deflect my anger is to threaten them with pain! Is that wrong?

Attack of the killer tomatoes

I think that is how I am going to refer to my monthly visitor - this visitor that causes me to have MIGRAINES, and feel like poo! I have had a migraine for two days straight - not a happy camper!

I think this whole menstruation thing is for the birds - and since we are such an equal opportunity world - and a transgendered female can give birth - I would like males to deal w/ menstruation - hell MEN is in the title.

I just learned that every month, an egg releases from a different ovary - and women have a good ovary and a bad ovary *(I think)* which causes every other month to be more uncomfortable. GREAT! Plus, I don't think it is fair that women can say - Oh, I'm definitely going to be a moody bitch this day - we get a bad enough rap as it is...

So, I say MEN should MENSTRUATE! Women should . . . just relax and have the men be all moody and see how they feel!

The Dark Knight

$155 million opening weekend - enough said, right? WOW. I recommend that everyone go and see this movie. Heath Ledger was AMAZING! I am not sure if it really is PG-13 - but it is so good.

The radio this morning, WHEB- morning Buzz (the best station ever) was saying how Heath's Joker was the best movie villain ever and I agree. It was just amazing and I think they are right that he is the best villain in a movie... EVER.

So, I challenge you to go out and watch it and advise me otherwise, okay?

Movie Theatres

First off - I like to spell theatre the British way and pronounce it w/ an ENGLISH ACCENT, so every time you read it you should say it (aloud or in your head) in that same manner- got it?

Okay - so yesterday was a fantastic day - got out of work, went swimming, had dinner and then went to the movie theatre. However, I went to the theatre in my wet clothes from swimming - so here is my question - Why are movie theatres SO COLD? Normally it doesn't bother me because I am NEVER COLD - but yesterday, being still damp from swimming I think I may have pneumonia. Seriously, I do have a sore throat today.

I finally figured out why movie theatre popcorn is so expensive - I just don't know why it is so cold -AC cost money, doesn't it?

Riddle me this...

I am curious why life has to be so confusing and hard? I know there is an old adage (specifically made famous by an Aerosmith song) "Life's a journey, not a destination". *I THINK* I mean, I get it - I know if life was easy there wouldn't be much to talk about in life, but I think there are some things that should just be made easy (or at least easier). I think I will list them...

1.) I think that LOVE should be a little easier - I think that social interactions between man/woman (woman/woman, man/man, man/horse *I'M KIDDING*) should be somewhat easier to understand. Yes, I know men are from Mars and women are from Venus and if there wasn't a chase people may not be interested in an easy relationship. But that's just it - shouldn't relationships be easy? If you have met the right person, shouldn't everything fit and there be no worries? Right? I, for one, am so sick of drama in my life. I have recently come to deal with issues with friends who thrive and create drama in their life - and I am thru with that. I want to be able, at the end of the day, while I am all tucked into bed, reflect at my drama free day, heave a sigh of relief and slip off to a restful slumber... Isn't that awesome? Now, add a love life to the drama free night's sleep and I am one happy lady. I think something has to be said about how back in the day, when the notes would come out and say - DO YOU LIKE ME, CIRCLE YES OR NO... Mind you, my sophomore year of high school I got one of those letters - and a word was spelled wrong and it still vexes me, but I digress - but those letters put it all out there - I want love to be like that - NO HOLDS BARRED - TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. I will tell you what I think and then we can discuss...

2.) I think being a parent should be easier to those who put a great effort into being a parent. Let me explain - I think that if you are a person who gets impregnated only to obtain welfare and state aid - then I think being a parent should be so effen difficult that it makes you not want to procreate any more... However, I think that if a parent tries so hard to be a good parent and does everything he/she can to provide for his/her progeny to the point where sacrifices are made - then I almost wish that his/her kids could be like Stepford kids... In the sense that they have their own personality and whatever, but when the parent says please stop whining -it stops and there is no issue. Wouldn't that make life so much easier.

3.) This is just wishful thinking - but I think life would be so much easier if things were free - I know we aren't living in a Utopia, I get that - but wouldn't life be less stressful if there was a bartering system - goods for goods, so we wouldn't have debt and craziness like we have now - I betcha the suicide rate would go down... My sis and I watched a TV show about credit card debt - it was like a Michael Moore-esque documentary and there were two moms talking about how their children committed suicide because they couldn't pay their credit card bills - because they signed up for credit cards for the free t-shirt on their college campus... CASE IN POINT.

I am sure there are other things that should be easier - and when I come across them I will definitely add them onto the list - but this was my first installment.

Ataque de los nervios

You know, I don't understand what causes anxiety. It bothers me that certain things give me the palps.

The definition of Anxiety is:

1. distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune

2. earnest but tense desire; eagerness:

3. Psychiatry. a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder

Let's think about this - because not only do I get anxious - my brain spins things to this crazy end result - which most times has no logical, plausible way of occurring...
So, that could be uneasiness of mind caused by fear or misfortune. It could be my eagerness or is it a mental disorder?

It befuddles me that one day I can be so fraught w/ panic and anxiety that I can feel my heart beating out of my chest - and the next day - same kind of day - no problem but worried that my friend may be upset because the last time I was over I forgot to throw away a soda can.

Solutions could be that I need to go back to the gym and use that nervous energy to lose some weight, which could possibly decrease my anxiety and therefore relax a little. I am motivated to do that but I am lazy. Lazy because I finally have a life now and before when I was going to the gym and working out three hours a day 7 days a week I became OBSESSED - and I had no life. I don't want that again.

Yesterday, amongst friends, I had an epiphany. Sometimes I think my caffeine intake increases my anxiety. However, it dawned on me that maybe i am so drained because of my nervous energy that I partake in a lot of caffeine, which may lead more nervous energy to ensue - and it is cyclical.

So, now that I have a hypothesis, don't I have to have a theory to stop this nonsense? I don't have one. Maybe it is just enough today to have this hypothesis. I can't stress about that right now, I have to worry about too many other important things - like if I threw away the Sunkist can at my friends house? Why didn't I offer to take their rubbish to the dumpster? Did I pay back my friend the 20 cents she loaned me? will my niece mind that I haven't sent her a sweet 16 card yet? When will I get stamps to send out the anniversary cards that I meant to mail on 7/2... and so it goes.

Rainy Days and Mondays...

I really think that the weekend should have as many days in it as the work week. Friday - you worked all day, so you get a late start on the relaxing. Saturday you sleep in because you are exhausted from your week and you try to fit in as many things as you can in that one day and then you get burnt out almost from all the crap you wanted to do. Sunday is spent in dread of Monday so it is just a waste...
I don't really understand why Mondays suck so much, I think it is getting back in the routine - but I think I hate Tuesdays just as much as I hate Mondays - because Tuesday doesn't really have you any closer to the weekend.

I just know that when I woke up this morning - I wanted to stay in bed all day - why can't I be independently wealthy so I can just do that? That is a blog for another day.

Mills-n-Thrills!

Last night I had a softball game in Somersworth. Since I now live in Concord, some of my friends wanted to come to the game. So, we caravaned down - plus it was Jillian's birthday so she got to ride w/ me (and her sister) in my car with the top down.
Okay - so we get to the game, I am a little late, but what else is knew. At my first at bat - I walk, get to first base and see my CHEERING SQUAD wearing FOAM FINGERS and cheering for me!

I GOT ALL MISTY. That was the nicest thing ever. My whole team was asking me how much I paid them to come and cheer- and honestly I had no idea they were coming with such a complete bag of tricks! I just think that is so remarkable and never have I had friends do something so sweet, wonderful for me.

I will make it a point to bring in my camera on monday and take pictures of my new (and most favorite) Foam Finger collection that I have at my desk and post it here for all to see.

FYI: We won - 25-7!

I think I am having a stroke

Okay - I know I have been called a hypochondriac before, but this time I am really uncertain as to what is going on.
In 1994 I had two knee operations - arthroscopic and then reconstruction on my left leg. So, that was 14 years ago. No big whoop. Well, yesterday around 9pm, my leg went numb. I just thought it was because my body was tired, I was tired and that I was just too damn fidgety. Well, I woke up and it still hurts today.

It is numb from mid thigh to right below my knee. Could a blood clot do that? Do I have Deep Vein Thrombosis? I have no idea. But it is NUMB and hurts like it is tired.

HELP!

Slippery Slope

So, I am creating a monster. I have been staying up until 3am a few nights a week, hanging out - and getting 2-2.5 hrs of sleep. I was able to do that for about a week and then I couldn't take another minute. So, I got 12 hours of sleep (please see previous blogs for a blow by blow) one night and got all caught up and now I am back to the drawing board - exhausted again.

Now, last night I was up til almost 4am and my alarm went off right before 6am and I got to work at 7:30am - just got my coffee - and have a meeting at 10-12. I don't know if I am going to be able to manage that. I think I have to figure out a better schedule for hanging out w/ friends on school nights.

WOWSERS I SLEPT FOR 12 HRS

Yesterday I mentioned how tired I was - I got home before 5pm and was asleep by 5:30pm. Turned the ringer off on my phone, didn't even turn on the TV, didn't get under the covers - Fell asleep. Woke up at 1:30ish am... Oops. Texted a few people - people were actually worried about me over sleeping or not being able to get back to sleep if I slept all day - which I think was SUPER SWEET (FYI: one can't ask for better friends than that)...

Then I slept til my alarm went off this morning. I feel like I was hit w/ a ton of bricks- kinda nauseous and can't really keep my eyes open again today. Which I think is odd.

I BETTER NOT BE COMING DOWN W/ SOMETHING.

HOLY CRAP

I so can't keep my eyes open today. I don't think I have ever felt this tired. I think for the last week, every night I have been up until 3ish. I am not in my 20's anymore.

I busted a gut!

I seriously don't know if it is even possible - but I sincerely think that I laughed so hard last night that I ruptured my spleen.

Seriously, is that a medical condition or even a possibility? My side literally hurts. Can you laugh so hard that your appendix bursts? Maybe that is it. I sincerely hope that laughing actually burns a lot of calories.

So, my friends make me laugh so hard, that I literally slap my knee. Specifically, last night, I cried at least twice. No lie, my friend made up a song about the Jensens trailer park where my gram used to live. I swear, whenever I go to lesbonia, I certainly need to wear depends.