The weirdest thing...

Last night I got a terrifying phone call from Alanis who was very upset about my comment on her concert in 1996 - she said she was pulling her hair out because of the girl in the back who didn't understand her (namely me)...
How did Alanis get my number and why did she say she was watching me?

I want my money back

On my ride to work this morning, the radio station was talking about Concerts that were so bad that people wanted their money back. So, I was wracking my brain to think of any that I would have requested a refund.

I consider myself a connoisseur of concerts - I LOVE LIVE MUSIC- So, I would go and see Andrea Boccelli just to enjoy the live music (okay, maybe not, but you get my point).

Last weekend I went to see The Rock And Rebels Tour w/ Lynyrd Skynyrd and Kid Rock. I didn't have too high of hopes for this show, but let me tell you, it was awesome. I found out THAT DAY that Neil Diamond was playing at Fenway and was wicked bummed that I hadn't gotten tickets for that show. Today, however, the radio was saying that the show sucked, so I feel better. Nonetheless, the Kid Rock show made me a fan- what a performer and to say I heard Free Bird and Sweet Home Alabama performed live is something that I will remember for as long as I can.

So, I was thinking because I have seen the Dave Matthews Band perform 10 times - and they are a different type of show. They jam, they don't really interact with the crowd. I love their music so much, as they are my favorite, but what a difference a show makes when the performer INTERACTS with the crowd and drops references to the location in each song. I mean, Dave talks but sometimes you can't understand what he is saying... SO NOT DISSING DAVE as I HEART HIM MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY - but it is such a different perspective to relate his shows which I have seen so many times to someone else.

I have seen Aerosmith three times and each time their show gets better and better. The first time I saw Aerosmith was just to see Lenny Kravitz open up for him -and what an amazing night that was. The night before the show Lenny Kravitz' father passed away and the show still went on - he dedicated a song to his dad - let love rule- and walked thru the crowds at Mohegan Sun just singing his heart out. SO TOUCHING...

I have seen the Monkees three times and Davey Jones twice - and both times seeing Davey Jones I got to meet him - the last time he kissed me on the cheek - Oh ya... Oh, and when I saw The Monkees perform the last time, GREG BRADY opened up for them and he even wore the Johnny Bravo Jacket. FOR REAL!

I have seen Van Halen with Sammy Hagar once and then Sammy Hagar alone doing his Cabo Wabo tour thing - and he is a showman.

So, I guess the only show I would ask for a refund for would be Alanis Morrisette. I am a huge fan of hers, but when I saw her in 1996 she performed for an hour at UNH and she was pulling her hair out of her head and it was just odd. Yes, she was new on the scene and it was her Jagged Little Pill tour, but it disheartened me on concerts. Nonetheless, I didn't let that one show change how much I loved her music, and still do.

I have tickets for Farm Aid coming up September 20th - which will be Dave Matthews, John Cougar Meloncamp, WILLIE NELSON and Neil Young - can't wait to see that show. Kenny Chesney is performing - I would like to hear She thinks my tractor is Sexy but that's it - but allegedly the Allman Brother's might be there as well as Alison Kraus and Robert Plant - to say I saw a part of Led Zeppelin perform would be KICK ASS. I will keep you posted.

Please comment on any shows you disliked that you would want your money back, I would love to hear.

****BY THE WAY, I HEART DAVE MATTHEWS BAND*****

Snakes in my Office

NO LIE - I got up and walked to the printer and I noticed this thing on the ground - and thought to myself, "Hmmmmmm, that's an odd looking rubber band" when I walked back after thinking about it realizing I don't think rubber bands look like that, and after further inspection I turned into a 7 year old girl and was like, "OH MY GOD IT'S A SNAKE" and the riot ensued.

A guy came and picked it up and moved it out of the office - but I seriously want to quote SNAKES ON A PLANE AND SAY, "IF I SEE ONE MORE EFFEN SNAKE IN MY MOFO OFFICE, I AM GONNA EFFEN SCREAM".

Now I think that there are creepy things slithering over my toes and up my pant legs. To quote my Yoda, I am tough as nails, but snakes aren't meant to be in the office. Plus, as a child I stepped on a snake bare foot, and while I am not afraid of snakes, I just don't want to touch them...
Gives me the willies.
I know, I am a sally.

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
(this is the actual line from the movie)

road trip to Yankee Candle

I like to blog every day - I don't really have much to say today other than the fact that I love my new apartment.

I went to storage and got a few things - only one casualty - a shoe (or two) FLEW out of the car while I was pulling out of the storage facility. Oh well, Didn't need them anymore.
I unpacked and put away every thing I brought in - and now I am ready for more.

I think this is the biggest one bedroom apartment I have ever lived in and it costs the least. Go figure. I found my camera, now I just need to find batteries and I will post pictures of the place.

Sadly - there was another casualty in my move and maybe, if anyone ever needs to get storage, they should take this to heart - ALL OF MY YANKEE CANDLES MELTED. Note to self next time if I am going t0 stow my candles that they need to be up right. Luckily two out of the three had seen better days before the move, but one had been retired, I may need to ask them to order it for me because Granny Smith is the best candle ever. However, one of the candles had never even been burned and now the wick is MIA.
Oh well. Feel free to donate any Yankee Candles to the Katie Mills Fund

dumbfounded

First off, isn't it amazing how sometimes you hear these words over and over again but you don't really know what they mean. Sunday, at Target, in their $1 bins, they had this TODAY I AM magnet board with all the little miss and Mr. Men (which I loved when I was a kid) and I have aways wanted one of those mood magnets. So, I was looking at it wondering which mood I was today - and for the record there is no MR. Nosy on there (which was my favorite one)... There is a Little Miss Fickle - and I realized I couldn't tell you what fickle means... So, I went to my favorite website (Dictionary.com) did you know that fickle means:
1.likely to change, esp. due to caprice, irresolution, or instability; casually changeable: fickle weather.
2. not constant or loyal in affections: a fickle lover.

Secondly, I am dumbfounded at how wonderful people can be when they face adversity. I don't know how to explain this without being a bitch - so I am going to do my best and provide an analogy using Casey, my big, fat cat as the principle role.

(this is harder than I thought...) Say while I was at work I got a phone call that my friends Cyn and Carianne could no longer keep my big, fat cat anymore. That they were tired of dealing with him and they are giving me two weeks notice to find someone else to take care of him. In doing so, I would have to change my whole work schedule sacrificing my own free time just to take care of said fat cat... But I never got angry or anxiety ridden, I just knew what I had to do and made these sacrifices without a second thought due to the importance of my fat cat, who is like my baby. (DISCLAIMER- Cyn and Carianne would never be so callous about Casey as they love him deeply).
This type of reaction to adversity (which I looked up too) just leaves me in awe that people can react appropriately without flying off the handle or crying or whatever people do - and just know what is right and good. Amazing.

movin' on up!

I moved on saturday with the help of my friends. I seriously couldn't have done it without them. I just need to get my stuff out of storage and I should be all moved in. Right now my new apartment is a little sparse but it is all mine!

Top reasons why it is awesome to be a lesbian ...

So, I was in the shower this morning thinking of the reasons why it would be awesome to be a lesbian. DISCLAIMER - this doesn't mean that I have changed my mind on the importance of penis in my life, it just means that I think certain things would be easier for me, in general.

• I would never have to worry about getting pregnant from intercourse
• Birth Control would be null and void
• Twice the wardrobe/less hassle getting ready for work because double the clothes
• Girlfriends wouldn't be jealous of you hanging out w/ their boyfriend

Okay - so basically I wouldn't have to worry about impregnation or birth control is what I am getting at. I would say - just take everything out - I am not using it for procreation...

If you think of any others please feel free to comment - that is just my 2 cents worth

REST IN PEACE!

It's a wonderful life

I seriously couldn't have asked for a better Monday yesterday, for realsies.

Work was good, I even negotiated with an Attorney - not a complete settlement, but I felt prepared for the real deal - the thousand dollar types.

I left work on time, went home, changed my clothes, stopped at a friends house briefly and then my friend and I went to get food to make dinner. It started out that I would cook and then he wanted steak and I had never cooked steak, so I basically peeled the potatoes.

SPEAKING OF POTATOES - they were the best damned potatoes I have ever had - I am not going to give away the secret, but I think I dreamt of the potatoes. Dinner was fantastic and so was the rest of the evening.

I know I sound like a sap most of the time stating how great it is to have really great, close friends at one's finger tips daily, but it really does make a difference. For example, I hadn't seen Carianne or Cyn for like 12-24 hours and I couldn't catch up on all the doings that I missed in that time quick enough. I am really excited to know that I moved back to this area at a great time and have come in contact with great people from my past and now my present.

It truly is a wonderful life!

When it's time to relax, roll down your socks...

I signed my lease on Friday - My new apartment is GORGEOUS. I can't wait to get my stuff in there and settled. It is so cute and private and quiet and just down right adorable - and that is w/o furniture.

Saturday, I went up to Pittsburg, NH for Old Home Day. We got to the home of Jarv and Carlene Fish around 7ish - long drive that some how we missed our exit and went thru Vermont. We got there, pitched the tent and sat around the campfire - after having a fantastic dinner.

Saturday, since I had never been to Canada, we went to Canada. Oh yeah - LEFT THE COUNTRY. How awesome is that? And then we drove back.

Then we headed back to Concord, with a long drive, taking the scenic route home.

I had such a great weekend. I went to bed at like 8:30pm - but it was so good!

FREAKING OUT!

So, I went to training for 9 days, I think it was the beginning of MAY - we had to charge the hotel and stuff on our corporate credit card and then we were to be reimbursed for our mileage.

I have submitted this expense account through management approximately 4 times and finally it was approved last week. Thankfully because I need to pay my security deposit and the prorated amount of my first month's rent... I made it a point to email the Disbursement people and they SPECIFICALLY stated that my account would be credited on 8/15/08... So, I wake up thinking before work today I have to run to Wal-Mart to get a money order... My check was it's normal amount...

I AM FREAKING THE EFF OUT RIGHT NOW! I emailed Disbursement as soon as I got here responding on the exact email that clarified that I would be credited TODAY - and I am waiting for the response. I may pass out!

Overreact much?

To overreact means: to react or respond more strongly than is necessary or appropriate.

This pretty much sums me up to a T! My super human strength is overreacting. Let me provide you an example of this strength.

Many years ago, when I first moved from Kittery, ME to Barrington, NH - I met a guy online and we started dating. He was a young entrepreneur, but one of his side jobs was working at a convenient store/liquor store in Kittery. So, we were chatting on the phone, cell phone to cell phone, while he was at work. I heard a loud BANG and the phone went dead. I called back immediately and it went straight to voicemail. I could never remember the name of the store (and still can't) so I couldn't check the phone book and call. So, I had deduced that someone came into the store and SHOT this guy. I freaked. I even called my mom to see what I should do. So, I jumped into my car, drove the 20-25 minute drive and did a drive-by of the store, to see him standing there fine as can be. I was so relieved, but didn't want to have my 25 minute drive to just drive home and know all was well. So, after my drive-by, I drove into the parking lot, went in and advised him of my overreaction - and he thought it was so sweet.

Sadly, now I don't think the manner in which my brain spirals into overreaction mode is sweet, cute or adorable.

I think due to low self-esteem moments that my brain spirals into overreaction mode at the slightest inclination of ambiguousness. Yesterday, I sent a text to my friend asking if he wanted company on his dinner break. No response, no response, no response. An hour goes by and this person's dinner break elapses and I spiraled this into the fact that this person didn't want to see me and was ignoring my request because I had done something to piss him off and he hates me. So, in my haste, I text a message stating NEVER MIND. I felt slighted, you know? Like wtf? I didn't think I did anything wrong. Maybe I was a little provocative, but flirting is fun, right?

An hour after sending my text stating never mind, I get a text back stating Never mind? I texted back saying that I sent him a good text about sharing his break w/ me and he states he never got it. Overreacting turned this into a mishap.

So, my YODA advised me that I need to stop thinking that the worst is going to happen and just have faith in the goodness of what is. That I am too good of a person to think that one thing always means a bad thing. I think that my inability to be patient assists in this downward spiral, but I am sure I am not the only one who wants immediate gratification. Sometimes I think that my texts land somewhere south of the Bermuda Triangle and hangout there for 5-10 minutes and then maybe go to the intended party.

I am going to try to remember that if I don't get an immediate response to a text, that it doesn't mean the worst and remind myself that I AM A WONDERFUL PERSON and I didn't do a single thing to make someone angry. Low self-esteem is a turn off so I have to remember just how awesome I am. My Yoda advised me that I am the opposite of self-absorbed or self-centered and that I need to remember that people opposite of me are the ones that should worry about stuff like that. While I appreciate the compliment, I need to try and see myself through the eyes of others, I guess. I know I am my own best friend, but I am also my own worst enemy.

I think because in my 32 years I have crossed paths with some great people and some people that weren't so nice to me and their negativity caused me to second guess myself. I have to remember that I create my own destiny and I need to make it a positive one.

So, if anyone sees me going into a horrible overreaction downward spiral - you have my permission to punch me in the baby maker.

A crazy thing happened on the way to work

I have about a 20 minute commute to work, which I normally spend listening to my FAVORITE radio station - 100.3 WHEB - and I am a huge fan of the morning Buzz. This morning's conversation piqued my interest and it is definitely something one doesn't hear during the morning commute.

They had this guy on who is the Head Sales dude for a paternity/DNA test company - and these tests can be purchased at Rite-aid or CVS or online - in the store they are $30 but to get your results it is like another $115. So, this dude threw out statistics - out of every three paternity tests only ONE proves "incorrect" paternity - I don't how to explain that but out of every three tests they find out that one dad isn't the biological father. So, every two out of three tests come up with the dad being the biological dad - which is actually nice to hear.

Another interesting statistic that every four out of ten births are out of wedlock. See, this is the stuff I hear on my way to work. Very interesting tidbits that I felt I should share...

NOW- here is the craziest part - I SWEAR TO GOD I SAW A UFO whilst listening to the radio about paternity tests. Yes, I know my commute intersects the pathway of flights coming and going through Manchester Airport - but this wasn't a plane - it was a silver orb - just hanging out and then I either lost it or it disappeared. Now, I don't know if it was a balloon - it looked too big to be a balloon (and it wasn't floating, buoyantly like a balloon would)... It was just moving steady and then POOF, gone...

WEIRD, huh? What a way to start the day.

Crazy Mills fun fact

So, I don't know if I should share this on the internet - but I am gonna - exactly 14 years ago yesterday - I lost my virginity. Isn't that a riot that I remember that - on 8/11/1994 this girl gave it up... WOW.

See, I am 32 years old now, so I guess it should be assumed that I have been intimate with a man - but it has been 14 years since that happened.

So, just mark your calendars, this may become an important trivia question some day.

apt, auspicious, beatific, blessed, blissful, blithe, buoyant, carefree, charmed, cheerful, chipper, content, contented, cosh, delighted ...

ecstatic, elated, enthusiastic, euphoric, exuberant, exultant, felicitous, fitting, fortunate, gay, glad, gladdened, gracious, gratified, gratifying, halcyon, joyful, joyous, jubilant, light-hearted, lucky, merry, mirthful, nice, overjoyed, pleased, prosperous, providential, radiant, rapturous, ravishing, satisfied, successful, sunny, willing

I can, beyond a shadow of a doubt, simply say that it is difficult to be vile and wretched when you wake up in the arms of someone who makes you happy, laugh, smile, dream, sigh, wish - all of the above!

To my good friends - you know who you are

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you
And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you
Whoa, and then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are comin' from my heart
And then if you can remember, oh

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times, in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
Oh, that's what friends are for

Whoa... oh... oh... keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, oh, for sure
'Cause I tell you that's what friends are for
For good times and for bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for (That's what friends are for)
On me, for sure
That's what friends are for
Keep smilin', keep shinin'

The opposite of REM sleep is no effen sleep at all.

"There’s an emptiness inside her and she’d do anything to fill it in. And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now it’s more like cold blue ice in her heart. She feels like kicking out all the windows and setting fire to this life. She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright"

I woke up on the vile and wretched side of the bed today. I wanted to add the vile, wretched and sad side of the bed - but I just went to thesaurus.com and wretched is a synonym for sad - so wretched encompasses every aspect of what I mean...

I went to bed last night around 11ish, I guess. I was really tired. However, my body didn't realize I was tired because I woke up probably every half hour. So, since my alarm starts going off at 5:23am - that means (and clearly I am no mathematician, nor do I feign to ever be one) I woke up approximately 12 times during the night.

I definitely wanted to turn over a new leaf today - but I don't see myself being able to hold myself to it. I really like to think I am a positive ray of light (okay, that's pushing it)... A positive person. I really see the silver lining in things and look for the greater good in everyone and every thing. I see both sides to every story, I understand that a lot of gossip is just hearsay, when I take a quiz in a magazine, I know that I will just be the middle group - I just know that I am a good mix off both, you know? So, I decidedly wanted to stop complaining today - August 6, 2008 - Stop complaining about stuff that I have absolutely no control over and stop carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders... And on the eve of this telling new leaf, I sleep like crap because the weight of the world interrupted my slumber.

What, pray tell was I worried about? EVERYTHING and nothing all at the same time. Let me sneak you in to the recesses of my brain and how it spins (and spins and spins - no wonder I am dizzy all the time).

• I was worried about what I was going to wear to work today
• I was worried about the commute and if by next week I will have money to pay for the tolls
• I was wondering that if I ran out of toll money and I went the new back way to work if I would get lost or make it to work on time
• I was worrying about how am I going to talk to friends via text or on the phone when my cell phone gets shut off on Saturday
• I was wondering when does someone actually become a spinster (by definition a spinster is: a woman still unmarried beyond the usual age of marrying. )
• I was wondering do people actually think that one chooses to be single and alone
• I was wondering what it would be like to have dual incomes again and if I could even stay afloat if that ever happened to me
• I was wondering what it is like to die alone
• (and then this is where I go back to being 7 years old and afraid of dying) I wonder if death is like sleeping
• I wonder if I don't have kids if anyone would ever miss me
• I wonder if I have always just been
• I wonder why it is only me that sees thru my eyes
• I wonder why, if this is my only life - why I am short, fat and single
• I wonder why I moved to Concord
• I wonder why I switched jobs
• I wonder what happens if I get fired
• I wonder how am I going to come up with over $1000 by next week
• I wonder how I am going to survive and pay my bills when I haven't had a chance to save
• I wonder if I can return my economic stimulus coach bag to pay rent
• I wonder if the coffee I drink makes me stay up all night...

I wonder... and then my alarm went off...

Can you see why I am vile, wretched and on the verge of tears right now?

Turning a frown upside down

'Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. '

Yesterday was the 27th anniversary of my brother's passing. It is probably one of the roughest days of my life. I know I was only 5 years old when I lost my brother - but I think about him a lot. He was the oldest, I am the youngest. I think about how he was born the same year as Michael J. Fox - so he would have turned 47 this past March. I think about what he would be like and how we would interact.

My brother wasn't born mentally retarded. He became ill and that illness caused him to become mentally retarded. He had severe seizures (which I think I have blocked out of my memory) and had to be placed into a facility to take care of him. Jackie was a great swimmer and even swam for the Special Olympics. The facility that was taking care of him took him, and many others, to Opeechee Park in Laconia to go swimming. From what I understand, Jackie had a seizure while under water and drowned. No one knew he was missing until the next day when his body was found face down in 4 feet of water.

Part of me thinks that Jackie isn't in pain anymore - not dealing w/ seizures. My brother had to wear a helmet as not to harm himself - when we buried him he wasn't wearing his helmet or his shoes - both of which he hated.

Yesterday, I went to the cemetery to bring my brother a rose. Now that I am living back in the area I felt the need to go and spend some time w/ him yesterday. I woke up early, but not too early as I had taken the day off to do so, and instantly motivated myself to go and get flowers and "say Hi". When I lived near the cemetery before, I would stop by, speak aloud to him and tell him good news and bad. This was my first visit since I moved back 3 months ago.

Of course I got lost in the cemetery - I can get lost walking from the bathroom to my bedroom - I swear. However, Christa McCauliffe's memorial is right near Jackie's - keeping a watchful eye on him. I pulled up and unwrapped my rose and wrote a note to my brother - telling him how much I miss him and I cleaned off the freshly mowed grass from his marker. I couldn't speak aloud at all. I simply cried silently. After approximately 15 minutes, I could only utter, "I love you" and I got in my car and left...

While I was leaving the cemetery, I texted a friend to see if he was awake - just for some kind words... When I got home and was laying on my bed wallowing in my own self pity and dreariness - this nice, kind friend invited me to go the beach with him and his family...

This invitation and rest of the day really caused me to turn a sad day into a very happy day. We swam in the ocean, played silly games and built sand castles. I am really grateful for having a happy memory for this day - which definitely turned my frown upside down!

from crapulous to FABULOUS

Well, maybe fabulous is pushing it - but I am on the up and up!

Have you ever wanted something so badly - and knew that all you needed was just this one thing to make you smile. When I say smile, I mean from the inside out, w/ every fiber or your being because it is something that intrinsically, no one other than yourself, would have a single iota of an idea that you wanted.

Let's say this something is ice cream - but you didn't tell a single soul that you really wanted ice cream. Then you go to visit a friend and as soon as you see that person they give you the exact pint of ice cream you desired out of the blue? Doesn't that just make you feel understood, cared about and connected to the person?

Well, I wish you all ice cream!