Overreact much?

To overreact means: to react or respond more strongly than is necessary or appropriate.

This pretty much sums me up to a T! My super human strength is overreacting. Let me provide you an example of this strength.

Many years ago, when I first moved from Kittery, ME to Barrington, NH - I met a guy online and we started dating. He was a young entrepreneur, but one of his side jobs was working at a convenient store/liquor store in Kittery. So, we were chatting on the phone, cell phone to cell phone, while he was at work. I heard a loud BANG and the phone went dead. I called back immediately and it went straight to voicemail. I could never remember the name of the store (and still can't) so I couldn't check the phone book and call. So, I had deduced that someone came into the store and SHOT this guy. I freaked. I even called my mom to see what I should do. So, I jumped into my car, drove the 20-25 minute drive and did a drive-by of the store, to see him standing there fine as can be. I was so relieved, but didn't want to have my 25 minute drive to just drive home and know all was well. So, after my drive-by, I drove into the parking lot, went in and advised him of my overreaction - and he thought it was so sweet.

Sadly, now I don't think the manner in which my brain spirals into overreaction mode is sweet, cute or adorable.

I think due to low self-esteem moments that my brain spirals into overreaction mode at the slightest inclination of ambiguousness. Yesterday, I sent a text to my friend asking if he wanted company on his dinner break. No response, no response, no response. An hour goes by and this person's dinner break elapses and I spiraled this into the fact that this person didn't want to see me and was ignoring my request because I had done something to piss him off and he hates me. So, in my haste, I text a message stating NEVER MIND. I felt slighted, you know? Like wtf? I didn't think I did anything wrong. Maybe I was a little provocative, but flirting is fun, right?

An hour after sending my text stating never mind, I get a text back stating Never mind? I texted back saying that I sent him a good text about sharing his break w/ me and he states he never got it. Overreacting turned this into a mishap.

So, my YODA advised me that I need to stop thinking that the worst is going to happen and just have faith in the goodness of what is. That I am too good of a person to think that one thing always means a bad thing. I think that my inability to be patient assists in this downward spiral, but I am sure I am not the only one who wants immediate gratification. Sometimes I think that my texts land somewhere south of the Bermuda Triangle and hangout there for 5-10 minutes and then maybe go to the intended party.

I am going to try to remember that if I don't get an immediate response to a text, that it doesn't mean the worst and remind myself that I AM A WONDERFUL PERSON and I didn't do a single thing to make someone angry. Low self-esteem is a turn off so I have to remember just how awesome I am. My Yoda advised me that I am the opposite of self-absorbed or self-centered and that I need to remember that people opposite of me are the ones that should worry about stuff like that. While I appreciate the compliment, I need to try and see myself through the eyes of others, I guess. I know I am my own best friend, but I am also my own worst enemy.

I think because in my 32 years I have crossed paths with some great people and some people that weren't so nice to me and their negativity caused me to second guess myself. I have to remember that I create my own destiny and I need to make it a positive one.

So, if anyone sees me going into a horrible overreaction downward spiral - you have my permission to punch me in the baby maker.